Being a Parent
“The family should be a closely-knit group. The home should be a self-contained shelter of security; a kind of school where life’s basic lessons are taught; and a kind of church where God is honored; a place where wholesome recreation and simple pleasures are enjoyed.”
~ Billy Graham
“You want to mess up the minds of your children? Here’s how – guaranteed! Rear them in a legalistic, tight context of external religion, where performance is more important than reality. Fake your faith. Sneak around and pretend your spirituality. Train your children to do the same. Embrace a long list of do’s and don’ts publicly but hypocritically practice them privately… yet never own up to the fact that it’s hypocrisy. Act one way but live another. And you can count on it – emotional and spiritual damage will occur.”
~ Charles (Chuck) Swindoll
The biblical role of a parent is to be a steward of God’s children. God is God, no need for you to step into His place in our children’s life. Only God knows what each child was created to be and do.
Stewardship
Just as a manager or steward doesn’t own what they are put in charge of, we don’t own our children. Our children belong to God and we are entrusted with their care for a period of time. And we will be held accountable for the care we give them.
When they are first born dedicate them to God and formally place yourself in the position of their steward before God. Commit to raising them in the fear and admonition of the Lord. If you were not born again at their birth, make this the first thing you do after being saved yourself, no matter how old they are.
When you pray for them as a parent you have authority in the spirit realm over them that no on else has. If your children are older when you received the Lord do this anyways, no matter what it looks like. This even applies to step children. Another aspect of parenting is relying on the Holy Spirit to guide you in your prayers over your children. Listen carefully to His leading. He knows the things your children are facing or will face in the future. You are standing in the gap for them. I cannot stress how important this is to the welfare of your children. There were so many times I was praying for my child and the Lord was bringing certain scriptures to my attention to pray over her only to find out later that she faced an attack and was able to overcome it by the scriptures I stood on for her safety and welfare. More than once they saved her life.
Wisdom and guidance is the key. Pray for wisdom and guidance as you raise your children. Rely on the Holy Spirit. Ask God to help you to lead them in His ways and in the manner that He wants you to lead them. You are a steward of them, and it's not a responsibility to take lightly and has great accountability on our part.
Children learn by example. Children will copy what you do, not what you say. You need to walk it like you talk it.
The very first time that I heard the Lord’s voice audibly, Jesus said “Teach her to pray.” I was born again and just got Holy Spirit filled. I was in my bedroom on my knees praying to the Lord. I sensed someone in front of me so I opened my eyes and there was my five year old daughter. I immediately obeyed the Lord and started to teach her to pray. She has always been a blessing to me as well as to others each and every day.
If you want your children to know God you must show them by example. The parent-child relationship is the pattern that God uses to demonstrate our relationship with Him. Let your children see that you ask Father God for direction in all matters of life. Let them observe and hear you pray for them. Let them get used to you thanking the Lord and praising Him, especially for answered prayer. Let them be active in your prayer life. Teach them to pray and talk to the Lord. Teach your children to pray so if their little hearts feel heavy they can go to God and not to the world.
Proverbs 22:6 KJV
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Always, always, always, tell your children how much you love and treasure them. This lays the foundation for them to accept that God loves them and treasures them. Let them know that they are a blessing from God.
Psalm 127:3 NLT
“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.”
Not only should you demonstrate this principle, but you should frequently talk about how much God loves them. When you hug them, tell your child this truth that “God knows them and loves them — in fact, He knows them and loves them even more than you do!”
Reminding your child that God loves them is the first step to help your
child know Jesus and understand the most important principle of the gospel. God is Love!
Ephesians 6:4
“but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord”
Buy age appropriate books about Jesus and read with your children. Fellowship with them in Bible stories. As they get older share scriptures with them that the Lord gave you revelation on. Make it a habit to fellowship with them in things regarding the Lord. Make this a way of life.
This is especially true if the children are older. Always share what the Lord is doing for you and saying to you. It doesn’t matter if they want to hear it or not. You are making Jesus a reality by your life.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7
“These Words I am commanding you today must be kept in mind, 7 and you must teach them to your children and speak of them as you sit in your house, as you walk along the road, as you lie down, and as you get up.”
Proverbs 29:15-17
“To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child. When the wicked are in authority, sin flourishes, but the Godly will live to see their downfall. Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.”
The way to demonstrate the gospel as a parent is by having consequences for bad behavior. Each time you patiently remind your child, “that was wrong, and these are the consequences,” you’re demonstrating that there’s a standard by which all behavior can be judged as right or wrong — the standard of God’s Word and His character.
Loving Biblical discipline paves the way for the truths that “all have sinned” and “the wages of sin is death”, while true Christian parenting patiently encourages the desire for righteousness within a child. Without the awareness of personal sin and its consequences, a child will never see their need for a Savior. Use the rod sparingly for life lessons to be seared into their brains. Ex: running into traffic, blatant disobedience, etc. It’s fine for them to want to negotiate a decision. However once you have listened to their case and your decision is the same, then negotiation is over and obedience must follow.
As they get older, the world will start to call to them. They will be pulled into the world by their peers etc. Remember sin always starts out as a good time. But the wages of sin still pays the same. Death! We may get by with it for a while but judgement will come. You cannot stop it. Sin and its judgement are attached. True repentance is the only way. To change your mind on the sin completely, ask God to forgive you. Receive your forgiveness then move forward with God and a renewed mind. Your attitude towards your child should confirm that fact that no matter if they are being good or being bad you love them unconditionally, just like Father God does. This demonstrates the truth of God’s selfless and unconditional love.
Romans 5:8
“ While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
You will make mistakes as a parent, and it’s important to tell your children that. When you mess up, discipline in anger, or are too harsh or not consistent, apologize to your child and tell them that you want to do better, because that’s not how God our Father is with us. Point out that even though you love your child so much and will always try to be the best parent you can for them, God’s love is greater, and His wisdom and discipline is perfect. Remind them that He will always show them unconditional love, no matter what they do.
As parents, we can demonstrate how a relationship with God works by talking about how sin affects our relationships. Whenever your child disobeys you or lies to you, and you talk to them about it, explain how it affects your relationship with them. Open up about how, because of the sin, it makes it harder to trust that they are going to do the right thing or tell the truth next time. And while God’s love is unconditional, sin can put a strain on our relationship with Him too.
When trust is broken, it’s hard to have a good relationship. In fact, unconfessed sin hardens the sinner’s heart and makes it more likely we will continue in the same, damaging behavior. Hurting us too, not just the relationships we care about. Confessing that the sin was wrong and asking for forgiveness helps your relationship to be better and grow stronger.
Confessing sin and asking for forgiveness helps create good relationships with God and other people, demonstrating this principle yourself is even better. When you make a mistake and must ask your child for forgiveness, talk about how your offensive behavior hurt your relationship with them, how asking for forgiveness offers a chance to make it better, and how the confession also makes it less likely you’ll do the same thing again.
From there, it becomes very easy to explain that when we sin against God, He doesn’t throw us out of the family, but the sin does hurt our relationship with Him. Confessing our sin and asking for forgiveness activates the truth in:
1John 1:9
“If we confess our sin, God not only forgives us, but He cleanses us from unrighteousness,”
Causing the relationship to be restored and for us to sin less. None of us can be perfect, but we’re thankful for the gospel, which shows us how to deal with our sin in a way that’s healthy. Healthy for us, healthy for others, and healthy for our relationship with God. Let your household be one where forgiveness is celebrated! Teaching the gospel in your home, both verbally and, more importantly, with demonstration as a parent is the best way to help your child know Jesus at an early age and understand how a relationship with their Heavenly Father works.
When you learn how to raise your children in a Godly way and how to demonstrate the gospel as a parent, you’re teaching your child how to walk in good relationship with God before they ever leave your home. Equipping them in the very best way possible for life ahead.
Discipline: This is the part of parenting many don’t like, many disagree on, and many ignore. But we cannot ignore the fact that children need discipline. It may be different for each child, but the fact remains that they need discipline.
For example, one child’s form of discipline may be taking privileges away. It doesn’t take much for the child to understand disobedience has consequences and will rarely commit the same offense. Then another child will require more than words to help them understand the consequences of disobedience. A rebellious nature takes a bit more molding and love from parents. You can’t be the push around parent. God didn’t make us to be bossed around by a child who has no idea what God’s Word says about raising them. We must rely on God, His Holy Spirit, and the Word to guide us to discipline our children. God loves us so much that even He disciplines those He loves. We as parents should
do the same.
Hebrews 12:11
“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
Proverbs 12:1
“The one who loves discipline loves knowledge, but the one who hates reproof is stupid.”
Everything we do sets an example for our children. The way we confront a situation, the way we speak of others, the way we dress, the way we carry ourselves, how we treat others ( are we respectful, polite, and kind). Do we treat our children in this same manner. Our children are watching every move. They are the ones that see us for who we truly are.
Do you want to know one of the fastest ways for a child to reject Christianity? A hypocrite Christian parent.
We cannot say we love God and live a life that is unpleasant to Him, our children get to witness our walk with Jesus. Contrary to popular belief; it’s not about what makes us happy, but what makes us holy that truly changes our life. It’s not easy, but it’s a blessing to be refined on our walk with Jesus and have our children witness repentance, sacrifice, forgiveness, and love. Just like Jesus. He set an example for us, He’s our Father and walks the talk.
Setting an example is crucial for our children and we cannot fail to lean on Jesus!
P.S. Just because you’re Christian, doesn’t mean your children are. Even more so, our example is needed.
The last thing I want to touch on is provision. When I say this, of course I mean financially but I also mean providing love, patience, a warm home, and all the above we just read together. Providing is not buying everything a child wants. Providing isn’t choosing work over them to make money, (In some situations, it’s the only choice we have to provide the basics but for the average parent, this isn’t the case.) It’s not making sure they have all the things you didn’t get as a child.
Provide: To equip or supply someone with (something useful or necessary). That’s one of the definitions I found of the word provide and that’s what we ought to do. Equip our children with what’s necessary. The way God provides for us. He’s always the One we want to look to as an example of how we should provide or what we should provide for our children.
Philippians 4:19
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
1 Timothy 5:8
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
2 Corinthians 12:14
“Here for the third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not be a burden, for I seek not what is yours but you. For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.”
(Paul was father like to Corinth)
Psalm 103:13
“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.
Galatians 6:10
“So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
(This includes our children)